For many victims of abuse, the hope of being seen, heard, and believed is what sustains them through years of silence. When they finally reach out for support, they often expect validation and protection.
Tragically, this hope often encounters disbelief, blame, or silence. In some of the most devastating cases, the abuser accuses the victim of being the perpetrator. Through manipulation and control, the abuser may convince loved ones, including the victim’s own children, that the victim is the one responsible for the harm. This reversal of roles, sometimes referred to as reactive abuse, allows the abuser to portray themselves as the victim, further isolating the true survivor.
When abuse has not been formally reported, the abuser is unlikely to admit to their actions. Without official recognition, the victim may be left not only with the trauma of the abuse itself but also with the added pain of being disbelieved and misrepresented by those closest to them.
Domestic abuse can take many forms, and not all leave visible scars. It may include:
Coercive control: a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation, and control, often with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence
- Psychological and emotional abuse
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse
As highlighted by Health Surrey:
“Research suggests victim blaming is a key barrier in victims disclosing and reporting abuse, whilst also being a significant hindrance when processing the subsequent trauma.”
For victims whose children have turned against them, repeating the abuser’s narrative and telling others that the victim is the abuser, the emotional toll is immeasurable. The abuse continues, not through physical acts, but through betrayal, distortion, and rejection.
The grief of losing what was once a loving, caring family can feel unbearable. It becomes difficult to imagine a future free from abuse when the very people who once offered comfort now contribute to the harm. The desperation that follows is profound, a sense of being erased, unheard, and abandoned.
And yet, acknowledging this pain is a vital step toward healing. Victims deserve spaces where their truth is honoured, their experiences validated, and their voices restored. Processing trauma begins not with judgement, but with compassion—and with the unwavering belief that every survivor deserves to be heard.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) – 0808 2000247
Respect Men’s Advice Line – 0808 8010327