My interest in the behaviours of others stems right back to my childhood. My own childhood was difficult both of my parents struggled. It is fair to say that my experiences growing up have had a negative effect on me in the past. Showing emotions was not encouraged. My first marriage ended when my husband told me that he could not face his issues. He acknowledged the damage it had done but he was afraid. That fear cost him his family. I was heartbroken, but I could not stay with him. His actions made me feel worthless and miserable, playing into the negative beliefs I had about myself. At 35 years old I just felt confused, I had lots of questions going around in my head. Why had the people I loved so much not been able to overcome their own difficulties? I remember an overwhelming feeling of sadness and anger. I had two little girls to look after and my own mental and physical health.
I spent many years learning about people and their behaviors. My experiences have been at the heart of my drive to want to help others, men in particular. Men are less likely to ask for help, even when they are struggling for all sorts of reasons; stigma, fear of being judged negatively, frightened they will lose their job, society says men should be strong the list goes on. I gained valuable insight and understanding of men’s behaviors in my career working in engineering, manufacturing and design, environments where men made up the majority of the workforce. I realize that men have many of the same issues as women stemming from their childhood and/or negative experiences in life. Some men will laugh it off or used drugs and alcohol to cope with the day to day feelings of being overwhelmed, stressed-out and tired. They might go to the gym or take part in extreme sports to avoid dealing with their feelings or avoid the company of others and would be left feeling isolated.
It is clear however, that these behaviors are not helpful, just helping to cope often in the moment to deal with their difficulties in the present, but tomorrow they would still be there.
I have been lucky in my career and life to have supported people, to empower then to take control of their lives, to acknowledge their wonderful unique self. I have worked as a coach, mentor, mediator, counsellor and volunteer across a wide sector. I have seen men shift their negative belief about themselves, to overcome their fears, to reduce the feelings of being stressed-out and overwhelmed to live a much happier life.
I have learnt that we, the people around me and I have done our best based on our own experiences of growing up and our own difficulties as an adult. I have learnt that it is possible to shift ourselves, to bring about change, to let go of the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. I have also witnessed and experienced first-hand what happens when people refuse to seek help. I understand how difficult it is to ask for help. I was brought up believing showing emotions was bad. It took me some time before I realised that if I asked for help from the right people then great change could happen and it has done. Some people will never seek help and will continue to struggle throughout their lives moving away from the things they want in life, not running towards the things they want in life. When my parents eventually split up, my dad apologised for his behaviour and I saw the loving, caring and supportive man my dad truly is, that was hard to see when he and my mum were together. We have become very close. Although it was a difficult time for both of my parents, my mum was more settled, and the environment at home calmed down for my mum, myself and my siblings. He is proof that people can change, that men can change in an environment that is free for them to flourish and be their true self.
- Professional Diploma in Psychotherapeutic Counselling Practice
- NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist
- NVQ in Advice and Guidance
- Diploma in Life Coaching
- Stress Management Consultant