About Me

What shaped my journey?

My interest in the behaviours of others stems right back to my childhood.  My own childhood was difficult both of my parents struggled.  It is fair to say that my experiences growing up have had a negative effect on me in the past.  Showing emotions was not encouraged. 

My first marriage ended when my husband told me that he could not face his issues.  He acknowledged the damage it had done but he was afraid to talk about himself.   His fear cost him his family.  It cost me my family, and his children their family unit.  I was heartbroken, but I could not stay with him.  His actions made me feel worthless and miserable, playing into the negative beliefs I had about myself. 

At 35 years old I just felt confused, I had lots of questions going around in my head.  Why had the people I loved so much not been able to overcome their own difficulties?   I remember an overwhelming feeling of sadness and anger.  I had two little girls to look after as a single mum, and my own mental and physical health.  My husband took the decision that it was easier not to face his fear, our marriage could not survive under these circumstances.  I could not cope with his behaviour towards me.  He would criticise me, tell people I was stupid, and told me as a mum, I had no right to have a life of my own, that it was selfish of me to want to improve my self and my education. 

Although I asked him to leave, I felt that he had left me and his daughters some years earlier, before I finally reached the point that, after trying so hard to save our marriage I realised there was nothing that I could do if he wasn’t prepared to try.

People and behaviour

Spending many years learning about people and their behaviours.  My experiences have been at the heart of my drive to want to help others, men in particular.    Men are less likely to ask for help, even when they are struggling for all sorts of reasons; stigma, fear of being judged negatively, frightened they will lose their job, society says men should be strong the list goes on.  

Having gained valuable insight and understanding of men’s behaviours in my career working in engineering, manufacturing and design, environments where men made up the majority of the workforce.  I realise that men have many of the same issues as women stemming from their childhood and/or negative experiences in life.  Some men will laugh it off or used drugs and alcohol to cope with the day to day feelings of being overwhelmed, stressed-out and tired.  They might go to the gym or take part in extreme sports to avoid dealing with their feelings or avoid the company of others and would be left feeling isolated.

Hope for the future

I’ve been lucky in my career and life to have supported people, to empower then to take control of their lives, to acknowledge their wonderful unique self.  I have worked as a coach, mentor, mediator, counsellor and volunteer across a wide sector.  I have seen men shift their negative belief about themselves, to overcome their fears, to reduce the feelings of being stressed-out and overwhelmed to live a much happier life.

I have learnt that we, the people around me and I have done our best based on our own experiences of growing up and our own difficulties as an adult.  I have learnt that it is possible to shift ourselves, to bring about change, to let go of the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.  I have also witnessed and experienced first-hand what happens when people refuse to seek help.  I understand how difficult it is to ask for help.  

Finding the right support

Being brought up to believe showing emotions was bad.  It took me some time before I realised that if I asked for help from the right people then great change could happen and it has done.  Some people will never seek help and will continue to struggle throughout their lives moving away from the things they want in life, not running towards the things they want in life.  When my parents eventually split up, my dad apologised for his behaviour and I saw the loving, caring and supportive man my dad truly is, that was hard to see when he and my mum were together. We have become very close.  Although it was a difficult time for both of my parents, my mum was more settled, and the environment at home calmed down for her, myself and my siblings one dad had moved out.  He is proof that people can change, that men can change too, in an environment that is free for them to flourish and be their true self.